Update

Been a while but fuck it I'm here to drop off some new ramblings. I just moved to the great town of Panama City and am enjoying it so far. Seeing my ole man and being by the beach is great. That is tempered with frustration at animals pissing and shitting all over the place. I haven't met any girls down here yet and that is due to my own apathy and not desiring to go out alone. Originally when I moved I had feelings of regret at leaving a certain girl back home whom I had developed "the feels" for. But alas my regret was regretful in itself due to the fact she was already getting dicked down a week after I moved. I harbor no feelings of bitterness or anger as I realize that it was bound to happen. I am just shamed I haven't found anything myself yet. But that is going to change as I am in the best shape of my life strength wise and am about to get signed as a model. I haven't been applying myself in school which needs to change and I need to involve core and cardio in my workouts. I am going to start recording what I eat and applying myself in school for the first time since freshman year. This Islamic State problem infuriates me and I want their heads on a platter. I want them dead and I want to be the person to end them. At this point I have no logical way to see that through. I am going to focus and school and lifting in the meantime along with spending time with my family. My prior despair has hardened itself as mate that manifests itself in hard forged iron that I pick up and put down in a semi controlled manner whenever I travel to my home away from home to let out anger. Iron therapy and consistent masturbation are the things that keep me sane. That and a borderline obsession with keeping up with the news. Anyways peace homes and remember today is the day to be a motherfucking winner!

Random thoughts: I love being a free man. I can do all the drugs, drink all the booze, and sleep in as late as I want. I have no responsibilities and am now officially my own man. I have started hitting the gym more and am trying to be productive. I see hope in the future but it is intertwined with regret at blowing my money, being a shitty Marine, and being alone. For the above I have myself to blame. A lot of the time my own apathy or my combativeness drives wedges between myself to those I hold dear. I have been an angry man lately because I am a 23 year old man living at home with my mother and get no sex other than what I can do with my own hand. I have tried talking to girls and putting myself out there. The bottom line is whatever I am doing is not working. I am not happy and realize that I need to improve. I have not undertaken the drastic steps needed to improve my current situation. It would be nice right now to have somebody to talk to and share my bed with. Alas that would be folly due to living at home. I enjoy wallowing in my misery even though I know I need to improve my current situation. My problems include a car that is on it's last legs, being a cocky ass to cover up my own insecurities, and my failures with the opposite sex. I spend to much time in front of a computer or television. I do not study or apply myself fully in anything. I do not know if I possess the requisite focus needed to excel in life. This blog started because I needed to vocalize my frustrations in life. As an adolescent to now my problems have changed but I have not reached my potential. I recognize my problems and now it is time to address them by: 1. Quit procrastinating and focus. 2. Get a real part time job. 3. Study and hit the books so I can move to Wilmington. 4. Fix the car or get a new one. 5. Talk to at least 10 new women a week. 6. Lift and do sprints 4 days a week. 7. Limit computer time to 2 hours per day. 8. Pick up an instrument and play one hour per day. 9. Turn negative energy into production. 10. Start MMA lessons. 11. Save 200 dollars per month. 12. Be an optimist. 13. Life is fun so enjoy it. 14. Stop freaking out on dog for no reason. 15. Lastly know yourself and seek self improvement.