Update

Been a while but fuck it I'm here to drop off some new ramblings. I just moved to the great town of Panama City and am enjoying it so far. Seeing my ole man and being by the beach is great. That is tempered with frustration at animals pissing and shitting all over the place. I haven't met any girls down here yet and that is due to my own apathy and not desiring to go out alone. Originally when I moved I had feelings of regret at leaving a certain girl back home whom I had developed "the feels" for. But alas my regret was regretful in itself due to the fact she was already getting dicked down a week after I moved. I harbor no feelings of bitterness or anger as I realize that it was bound to happen. I am just shamed I haven't found anything myself yet. But that is going to change as I am in the best shape of my life strength wise and am about to get signed as a model. I haven't been applying myself in school which needs to change and I need to involve core and cardio in my workouts. I am going to start recording what I eat and applying myself in school for the first time since freshman year. This Islamic State problem infuriates me and I want their heads on a platter. I want them dead and I want to be the person to end them. At this point I have no logical way to see that through. I am going to focus and school and lifting in the meantime along with spending time with my family. My prior despair has hardened itself as mate that manifests itself in hard forged iron that I pick up and put down in a semi controlled manner whenever I travel to my home away from home to let out anger. Iron therapy and consistent masturbation are the things that keep me sane. That and a borderline obsession with keeping up with the news. Anyways peace homes and remember today is the day to be a motherfucking winner!

Random thoughts: I love being a free man. I can do all the drugs, drink all the booze, and sleep in as late as I want. I have no responsibilities and am now officially my own man. I have started hitting the gym more and am trying to be productive. I see hope in the future but it is intertwined with regret at blowing my money, being a shitty Marine, and being alone. For the above I have myself to blame. A lot of the time my own apathy or my combativeness drives wedges between myself to those I hold dear. I have been an angry man lately because I am a 23 year old man living at home with my mother and get no sex other than what I can do with my own hand. I have tried talking to girls and putting myself out there. The bottom line is whatever I am doing is not working. I am not happy and realize that I need to improve. I have not undertaken the drastic steps needed to improve my current situation. It would be nice right now to have somebody to talk to and share my bed with. Alas that would be folly due to living at home. I enjoy wallowing in my misery even though I know I need to improve my current situation. My problems include a car that is on it's last legs, being a cocky ass to cover up my own insecurities, and my failures with the opposite sex. I spend to much time in front of a computer or television. I do not study or apply myself fully in anything. I do not know if I possess the requisite focus needed to excel in life. This blog started because I needed to vocalize my frustrations in life. As an adolescent to now my problems have changed but I have not reached my potential. I recognize my problems and now it is time to address them by: 1. Quit procrastinating and focus. 2. Get a real part time job. 3. Study and hit the books so I can move to Wilmington. 4. Fix the car or get a new one. 5. Talk to at least 10 new women a week. 6. Lift and do sprints 4 days a week. 7. Limit computer time to 2 hours per day. 8. Pick up an instrument and play one hour per day. 9. Turn negative energy into production. 10. Start MMA lessons. 11. Save 200 dollars per month. 12. Be an optimist. 13. Life is fun so enjoy it. 14. Stop freaking out on dog for no reason. 15. Lastly know yourself and seek self improvement.

So I get out of the military in 20 days. I have loved and hated the experience. I am going to miss the fuck out of the all the people who I met. I will NEVER meet better people. I am psyched because I have waited 4 years to get out! The only way I would re up is if another legit war happened. Hopefully one never does.

Pissed off at the world
Can never find my place
Filled with emotion
Constantly repressed
Sold my soul to the devil
Can't get out now
So close to the other side
But I can't get out
Blow up just push it all out
Now is the time
To take a stand
Ignorance is to reason
What elation is to me
Will never fucking happen
Because I am always to late
A wall with no mirrors
Is a wall devoid of shame
No crystal clear picture
Of one who is deranged
There is nothing to reason
Of one who lacks a home
Inner peace is principle so hollow
Substance what a concept
To be in control
Quit milling about quit milling about
The time to act out is right now
The urge to act is impulsive
Impulsion what a beautiful thing
Something to remind yourself of your own humanity
They say they say
God has a plan for all
Bullshit
Everything must fall
Murphy's law what a concept
Something so horrid and desolate
Leads to a comfort in a world of no constants except one
I will always fall
Bottom of the barrel
At least I can see the top
Somewhere to start
I have no rhyme or reason yet I have a part
Undetermined yeah so fucking what
Until I found out I'll walk that amusing strut
Yut
hahaha
They say they can read my mind
A simpleton of epic proportions
Walking mound of stupid
I don't know anything
There is my existence
The story of the me
Anonymous I shall remain
Fuck you all I have my own master plan
To warp all views I was just some Joe Schmoe
Look at what you released
A man who won't be beat down
What an abnormality
One who doesn't conform to the norms of society
I embrace it all
Hate on me now
You will reap what you so
EAS EAS right then you will know
I won the game
I came out on top
Yut

Yut before I signed

Hold up

Im blessed with this thing

Social inadaquacy

I can’t get laid

Due to my inadaquate grasp

Yo I just can’t relax

Gotta be me can’t you see

Just so uptight can’t see the sunlight

Got this stigma that I can’t seem to drop

Unseen by the cops

Breaking the law ain’t the issue it’s a failure

Can’t drop this frustration

Keep bottled up

Shoot  shit talk it up

Nothing to hide

Let it out in the open

Get ridiculed taken it down

I encourage it

Laugh it my social frustration

In a month it matters not

Can’t you see

I stay true to me haha

Keep my own counsel

Keep up this façade

Then I just go to my room just to bathe in the darkness

Feel it all come off on hand

Then I go at it again

Repeat the routine

Rinse wash repeat

It’s an endless cycle

One I can’t break

It goes on and on until you’re dead inside from the lack of stimulation

Lack of self control leads to bouts of frustration

No good smumbag perverted wow

Keeps on piling up with a pow

 But I keep it up

Not give up go on and on

Not leaving this comfort zone stay enclosed in this bubble

This bubble of familiarity

Well time to pop the cherry and see the world

Ain’t no advantage to staying in this world

Yet I will go on due to the fact that I am in no shape to do it

Got commitments to honor yeah part of being  a man

Only as good as today

Ha aint’t that shit true.

Orgazmic

Sitting down
Watchin porn
Think of that school girl in that uniform
Wanted to fuck her
She wouldn't let me
Fuckin bitch
I get my hand
Hehe
Now I sit back
Breathe with glee
So orgasmic
So rhythmatic
Hehehehe
Every girl I want turns me down
What am I supposed to do
Embarrass myself
But no I
Ahehehehe
But no I
Ahehehehe
So orgasmic
So rhythmatic
Now I'm climaxing
A bad day at school gone down the drain
I am blind to my family saying this is wrong
All the other guys get all the action
What did I do wrong
I don't know
Yo quiero the schoolgirl in that uniform
But right now my bro walks in
There went my euphoriation
Now I got some explainin to do
But I don't care
I'll just
Ahehehehe

Fuck You

Douchebags who talk shit and want to fight when it is pointless. FUCK YOU
People who look down on you because you wear Jesus sandals. FUCK YOU
People who punch guys in the nuts to try to be funny. FUCK YOU
To all the people out their who are mocked all day but blame other people for their own shortcomings. FUCK YOU
To the people in the world who don't give rides to people who have to walk home. FUCK YOU
To dipshits who say that they are going to pay up but never do. FUCK YOU
To all the guys out there who don't get laid and blame women for making them jack off instead fucking them. FUCK YOU
To people who make you do all the work and then take the credit. FUCK YOU
To people who bully other people. FUCK YOU. YOUR TIME WILL COME.
To dumbass teachers who give stupidass busy-work because they don't know how to teach. FUCK YOU.
To the people who are bitter because they do nothing. FUCK YOU.
To the beta males who don't get laid because they are scared to do something. FUCK YOU.
To those who think the man should to everything for a woman in an "equal" society. FUCK YOU.
To the teacher who won't leave the student who says nothing and minds his own business alone.
FUCK YOU.
To those who insult what they don't know. FUCK YOU.
To those who like the yellow paint on pencils. FUCK YOU.
To those who insult the inteligience of a grunt. FUCK YOU.
To those who don't enlist in a time of war. FUCK YOU.
To the emo who hates the world and acts elite. FUCK YOU.
To those who tell what we should eat, how to live our lives, that only God can save us, and to the ACLU, liberals, hippies, PETA, neoconservative religious assholes, feminists, gay rights organizations, FUCK YOU.
We are single macho man who get through the day to jack off at night. We will make our lives better and get to the top and say FUCK YOU. We will get laid, shoot guns, read, listen to music, and smoke some weed because we can. We won't tell you how to live your lives. Don't tell us how to live our own. Angry rant over with: FUCK YOU.